If you have ever gone swimming in the ocean, particularly on a day when the water is choppy and rough, you will know how frustrating and exhausting it can be to constantly be hit by the waves. At first it seems like fun until you realize the force of the waves are really knocking the air out of you. As you begin to make your way out of the water, you finally feel like there is enough of a clearing and enough time to make it to shore before the next wave comes.
Just when you think you are home free…
Bam!! Just kidding!
Right back into the water you go. Face first into the swirl of the wave that is trying to pull you back out into the water.
I don’t know about you, but that sure seems to be how the emotions of life hit at times.
As I have been taking more time to observe the emotional waves people are sharing on their social media pages, I have also been observing the emotional waves that seem to come from within myself. I always find it interesting how often people apologize for having feelings at all… but isn’t that just part of being human? We don’t apologize for expressing emotions of happiness and positivity, so why do we so often apologize for feeling any other way? As if we are supposed to be on a “emotional high” all the time!
I know in my personal life I have been guilty of apologizing for even slightly letting my smile turn into a frown. I think people sort of get used to a certain rhythm with me and when something happens that throws the beat off ever so slightly, it seems like there isn’t space for me to explore and process what I am feeling. Not to mention be able to express whatever it is that I am feeling without being met with defenses that feel extremely hurtful and unsafe.
In a world that seems to preach authenticity, we sure have a lot of work to do for people to actually feel safe to BE authentic at all.
If you know people in your life that you wish would be more authentic, perhaps this is a good time to ask yourself if there are ways in which you might be contributing to them showing up as their “false-self”. Do you hold space for the people in your life to feel ALL their feelings? Do you meet them with kindness, compassion, empathy, and respect? Or, do you listen to respond? Do you think of ways to argue so you can come out being “right”? Do you fill the space between you and the other person with defenses and hoops to jump through or do you fill it with love and grace?
It seems like most of the waves that knock us down come from some sort of rupture that we have with people in our lives. It’s heartbreaking to see how often people are arguing about achieving the same goal but are too wrapped up in being right to be able to see the ways we chop one another down to bite sizes pieces on the way there.
I will always be intentional about helping people stay up on their boards so that they ride the emotional waves they have with some sense of ease. We can hold each other up or do whatever we can to knock one another down. I truly hope more people spend the rest of this year working on ways they can be better at this. I pray that more people use the year 2022 as a year to cultivate more trust and healing in the relationships they have with the significant people in their lives.
Here’s a fun exercise you all can try. Imagine you are riding one of those emotional waves. Now imagine yourself on a kick ass surf board. Now, this surf board is not like any one else’s because it’s decked out in all the qualities and characteristics that make that board sturdy enough to withstand the beating of the waves. What words and/or images would be on your board?
Mine would have a huge image of a lion and the tree of life. You’d see words like loving, fun, resilient, compassionate, humorous, resourceful, intelligent, silly, driven, determined, and sensitive. Yes… SENSITIVE. I used to be ashamed of this because I thought being sensitive made me weak and more susceptible to be knocked down. It is now at the front of my board leading the way and cutting through the waves.
Why?
Because being sensitive has allowed me the ability to be more in tune with myself and those around me. I can pick up on and anticipate others needs before they even have to speak the words. It’s what has helped me listen to people with the intent to understand. Love people the way that I do. Experience life the way that I do. Write the way that I do. Being a sensitive person is not a bad thing at all. In fact, it’s my superpower. I believe this to be true because I think I have been underestimated in my life because of this and I seem to always surprise people with the strength that shines through my sensitivity.
I am making a point to highlight this about me because I know each and every single one of you has had to wrestle with being told you are too much, or too little, or too sensitive, or too whatever. Are we over it yet? I know I am! Throw some glitter on the parts of you that others have tried to silence and shine baby shine!!!
I see you. I hear you. And I respect the hell out of people who are unapologetically themselves even if we don’t click well!
Be you and the world will adjust. I learned this lesson from an old client of mine who was only 15 at the time. They seemed to know more about authenticity than most of the adults I have met in my life. Myself included.
Grab your boards and I will see you out on the water!!
Until next time... The Joy is found in the Journey!
